


Have A Holly Jolly Cliche

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Christmas, Cliche, Eggnog, F/M, Fluff, Mistletoe, Past Relationship(s), Singing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-25
Updated: 2012-12-25
Packaged: 2017-11-22 08:09:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/607679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poor Kanaya is all alone during the Christmas season and brooding about her ex-girlfriend. Then he shows up. Soon Kanaya isn't thinking so much about her ex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have A Holly Jolly Cliche

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't edit this at all sorry for contradictions and spelling errors etc. Please tell me if something is glaringly wrong.

It was that time of the year again and just like every year that passed, save one lucky eve, Kanaya was alone. In all of her life she had only two loves, both of which had not worked out as well as she would have liked. The first never loved her back, sexual orientation was a pesky thing, the second had broken her heart even worse than the first. 

Kanaya sat in a cafe, warmed by an ugly Christmas sweater she made herself and an equally ugly scarf knitted by her second lover. Even though it hurt to be reminded of her she liked to wallow in the pain. Hot peppermint cocoa warmed her insides as she looked through a tacky scrapbook. It was easy to tell which pictures were Dave's. They always looked exceptionally dramatic compared to the blurry ones Kanaya had tried to take and the off center ones Rose managed. Kanaya liked to think it was said something about their relationship.

Outside it was snowing something fierce. Normally she would have left a while ago but she relied on public transportation and walking back to her apartment might get her sick which she'd rather not risk. Instead she watched the snow from inside the cafe, feeling cozy and secure.

Unfortunately the snow never let up. It was almost 10pm and the cafe was closing up, so Kanaya got ready to leave. She packed away the scrapbook and pulled on her coat. As she got to the door another man came in. She stopped in her tracks and stared at him with wide eyes. His hair was the same shade of blond, his face was the same shape, and he had an aura around him that made Kanaya think 'It's _her_ '. But it wasn't. For one, she would never walk around at night wearing a pair of ridiculously pointy shades. Second he was male. Third he was talking to her, and the words coming out of his mouth weren't "Why, hello Kanaya. I'd love to chat but I'm afraid I'm busy so if you'll excuse me..."

It took Kanaya a minute to make sense of the words he was saying. "..icture, it'll last longer but for all I know you could have photographic memory and perhaps the reason you've been staring at me for the past half hour is because you're waiting for the photos to develop. If they don't come out with feel free to take another. I could even strike a pose."

"I..um. No thanks?" She responded confused. "I was just...surprised. You bear a striking resemblance to a good friend of mine. Well, I wouldn't call her a friend perhaps more an acquaintance or maybe just "somebody that I used to know" to quote Gotye. Though that's a dumb way to put it in my opinion, since it's not as though our failed attempt at a relationship has caused me to erase her from my mind. Quite the opposite actually. So she is not somebody that I used to know, more somebody that I wish I didn't know, or had never met I suppose. I'm sorry for rambling it's just my mind is just failing me as I try to search for an appropriate adjective to describe our relationship, it's a bit difficult. Actually, it isn't difficult at all, I don't know why I'm acting as though it is really it's very simple she's... umm.. you probably don't want or need to hear about my problems anyway. I'm just holding you up, aren't I? Forgive my rudeness I'll just be on my way now." Kanaya could feel heat rising to her face as she made a fool of herself. It felt like she was on fire.

She tried to step past him and leave, but he stepped in front of her. His head was tilted up a bit, if he didn't tilt it he'd be staring at neck. It wasn't that he was short, he was actually fairly tall. It was just hard to find people who could match Kanaya's height of 6' 5". It didn't help that she liked wearing heels, though on this day she had forgone them.

"Wait a minute, Miss. Where do you think you're running off to? We've got business to take care of." He tilted his head up even more so that his face was towards the ceiling. Kanaya looked up, where he had gestured, and saw some mistletoe dangling from the bell on the top of the door. "You know what that means." He wiggled his eyebrows. He could probably see the red in her cheeks now.

"But I hardly know you!" Kanaya sputtered, embarrassed. She'd kissed maybe two people in her lifetime and now a stranger wanted to lock lips? The situation was ridiculous. Even if he did look like _her_...

"Sorry babe, it's the rules. Now brace yourself for the best kiss you're ever going to get in your life." He said before leaning forward, standing up on his toes a bit to reach her. Then he gave her a soft peck on the cheek. "Try not to fall in love with me." Kanaya blinked, confused. She raised her hand to her cheek where he had kissed her. A grin took over her face and she allowed herself a small laugh.

"You certainly have quite a charming ambiance about you. It must be difficult having such magnetic forces. You must be swamped with ladies." 

"Ain't that the truth." He sighed, looking troubled. "It is so hard being me."

She smiled at him one last time then bid him adieu and walked out the door. After walking for a short while she turned around to get one last look at him. He saw that the was doing the same.

* * *

A few times she returned to the cafe, half hoping to the blond man again, but he never appeared, not even when she waited until closing time. She was tempted to ask the staff about him, but that seemed a little too desperate. 

As Christmas drew closer she figured she might as well forget about him. There was no point in getting hung up over someone she probably would never meet again. It was a one time thing and she should move on. 

It was hard to do this though. For the first time since Rose broke up with her she was thinking about someone else. She couldn't tell if this was good or bad, so she went to her who she always went to. 

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]\--

GA: I Require Your Assistance In Regards To How I Should Postulate A Relationship With A Stranger Whose Appearance Simulates That Of Someone From A Failed Relationship Of Mine  
CG: OH GOD, NOT THIS AGAIN.  
CG: WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS A MILLION TIMES KANAYA  
CG: GET  
CG: OVER  
CG: HER.  
GA: Ive Been Trying  
CG: LIES.  
CG: I BET YOU'RE WEARING THAT SCARF SHE KNITTED YOU.  
GA: Only Because It Provides Satisfactory Warmth  
GA: Why Should I Waste My Money On Another One When The One I Already Own Preforms Its Job To The Degree Which It Should  
CG: BECAUSE IT'S UGLY AS SHIT AND IT'S DUMB TO HANG ONTO THAT KIND OF THING.  
CG: BURN IT. BURN EVERYTHING SHE'S EVER GIVEN YOU, AND EVERYTHING THAT REMINDS YOU OF HER. INCLUDING WHOEVER YOU'VE MET THAT APPARENTLY LOOKS LIKE HER.  
CG: JUST MOVE ON, OKAY? SHE'S NOT EVEN WORTH.  
CG: SHE'S JUST A BITCH WHO THINKS HER ABILITY TO BE PERPETUALLY SARCASTIC MAKES HER COOL. I NEVER REALLY GOT WHY YOU LIKED HER ANYWAY. YOU CAN GET SOMEONE WAY BETTER.  
CG: TRY DATING SOMEONE WHO ISN'T A COMPLETE CUNT ALL THE TIME AND WHO ISN'T ALWAYS TRYING TO TAKE ON MORE THAN SHE CAN FUCKING CHEW.  
GA: My Reason For Contacting You Wasnt To Talk About Getting Over Rose  
GA: Id Appreciate It If Youd Refrain From Taking A Dump All Over My Taste In Romantic Partners Its Not Really Helping  
CG: SORRY. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEN?  
GA: Um  
GA: First It Would Help To Relay Our Initial Meeting To You  
GA: Would You Prefer The Abridged Or Unabridged Version  
CG: WHICHEVER.  
GA: I Was On My Way Out Of A Cafe I Had Taken Refuge In To Escape The Snow Storm When In Walked The Current Object Of My Affections Also Known As This Stories  
GA: Upon Seeing His Similitude To A Certain Girl Whose Name Is Of The Floral Variety I Was Stunned And It Just So Happened That Hanging Above Where I Stood Was A Certain Plant Under Which It Is Tradition To Kiss  
CG: OH GOD  
CG: IS THIS GOING WHERE I THINK IT'S GOING?  
GA: That Depends On Where You Think Its Going  
GA: Whatever Effigy Your Mind Has Managed To Conjure Up Is Probably A Much Exaggerated Version Of Whatever Happened  
GA: So I Would Say No Its Not Going Where You Think Its Going  
GA: He Teased Me For A Moment Before Planting A Fleeting Kiss To My Cheek  
GA: Nothing Particularly Remarkable But Still Enough To Make Me Flush  
CG: KANAYA. NO. THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS A GOOD IDEA.  
GA: What Idea  
GA: I Have Said Nothing About Having Any Of My Own Ideas  
GA: I Only Want To Know Your Opinion On The Matter  
CG: WELL MY OPINION IS FORGET ABOUT THIS DOUCHE.   
CG: ANYWAY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A LESBIAN, WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE ABOUT HIM?  
GA: It Is True That I Favor Those Of The Female Persuasion But My Tastes Are Not Dictated Simply By The State Of Ones Genitalia  
GA: His Appearance Was Effeminate Enough To Attract me  
GA: Sort Of  
GA: Actually Not Really He Just Looked A Lot Like Rose  
CG: YOU KNOW WHO ELSE LOOKS LIKE ROSE?  
CG: DAVE  
CG: BUT I DON'T SEE YOU LUSTING AFTER HIM.  
GA: I Wouldnt Say Im Lusting After This Stranger Im Just Intrigued Do To His Likeness To Rose And The Things That Distinguish Him From Her As Well  
GA: And As To Why I Am Not Interested In Dave  
GA: Actually I Dont Believe You Deserve To Know  
CG: WHAT  
CG: WHY NOT?  
GA: Because I Came To You For Help But I Feel Like All Youve Done Is Insult My Choice In Whom I Attempt To Pursue Romantic Relations With Which I Dont Appreciate  
GA: Actually It Kind Of Hurts  
CG: OH  
CG: I'M SORRY KANAYA, I'M JUST REALLY WORRIED ABOUT YOU. SURE YOU'RE SMART BUT SOMETIMES WHEN IT COMES TO THIS STUFF YOU'RE A LITTLE CLUELESS.  
CG: EITHER GO FOR IT, OR GO HOME. THAT'S ALL THE ADVICE YOU'RE GETTING.

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]\--

Even though That didn't satisfy her at all she decided to take his advice to heart. If she saw him again she wouldn't let herself cower, for once. She would go right ahead and kiss him smack on the lips then ask him out on a date. That was exactly what she would do. 

Proud of herself for her new found bravery she closed her computer, slipped on some comfortable clothes, and watched a marathon of Christmas movies. The scarf Rose had given her was nowhere to be found.

* * *

On Christmas Eve Kanaya found that all her bravery had vanished. Despite the tension between them Rose always invited her to the Christmas parties her mother threw. 

Since Kanaya didn't want Rose to get the impression that she stilled cared about her opinion Kanaya didn't bother with her clothes. Just a plain black skirt that went didn't quite reach her ankles and a sweater she had bought. Since most woman didn't grow as tall as Kanaya she was forced to shop in the men's section in order to find clothes that fit most of the time. Needless to say the sweater wasn't flattering at all. Her shoulders were too small and narrow so it kept slipping down, her chest pressed awkwardly against the fabric, around her waist the sweater looked extremely baggy, and her wide hips cause the bottom to looked over stretched. 

Normally this would be what she wanted, to look like she didn't care, like she didn't try, but then she saw a certain someone who had taken Rose's place in plaguing her thoughts. Earlier resolutions to shed all fear were flushed down the toilet as she tried to remember if she had at least done her hair. A quick look at her glass reminded her that she _hadn't even brushed it_. 

Frustrated with herself for becoming another victim of Rose's passive aggressive games, and for losing nerve when it came to Rose's look alike, Kanaya tried to leave but as she was nearing the door there was a tap on her shoulder. 

Kanaya yelped and turned around, instinctively pulling her fist back, but relaxing when she saw it was just Dave. He smirked at her. "Hah. S'not so fun to be snuck up on, is it?" Kanaya rolled her eyes.

"No, I suppose not." She conceded, inching away, discreetly.

"And where are you off to?" Okay, maybe not so discreetly.

"I left something in my car. I was just about to go get it." she lied. Dave saw her nervousness.

"Oh yeah? What exactly are you going to get?"

"I'm going to get my...uh...you know. Time of the month stuff." Red colored Dave's cheeks and he backed away.

"Woah, sorry for holding you up." he apologized. Kanaya laughed softly at him before hurrying to her car where she got inside before loudly moaning. She was such a coward.

It was a while before she thought to get her keys out and at least turn on the heat. The thought of just going home made her feel sick and cowardly, but going back inside made her feel even worse. It wasn't just the idea of him seeing her a mess, she wasn't that vain, but the fact that she had purposely made herself unattractive in order to feel like she wasn't still hung up on Rose and the fact that she had fallen for a stranger who looked at Rose. Everything seemed to revolve around Rose and she was absolutely sick of it.

Suddenly she felt energy run through her, mostly fueled by self loathing and anger. Taking advantage of it she decided that no, she wasn't going to let Rose dictate her life, she was going to move on, even if moving on meant getting with someone who was probably her relative.

She strutted confidently into Rose's house, searching for Dirk. When she couldn't find him right away she started to get distressed and frustrated. She considered asking where he was but then out of the corner of her eye she was saw a flash of ridiculous looking shades, that she knew weren't Dave's.

"Fancy meeting you here." She heard him say.

Then they kissed. 

Kanaya wasn't sure who had started it, she figured they both moved towards each other at the same time. What surprised her most was the intensity. Warmth flooded her body when she felt his lips press against hers. They were soft yet firm and tasted like peppermint. It briefly occurred to Kanaya that her breath might smell but if it bothered him he didn't let on.

Faintly she could hear catcalls but they didn't register until she had to break away for a breath. Everyone was watching them and clapping. Dirk did an overzealous bow, hand flourish and all, before turning back to Kanaya.

"What a strange coincidence." Kanaya murmured trying to act less embarrassed than she was.

"There is no such thing as coincidence my dear, only the inevitable." He said with a wink.

"And just what does that mean? This meeting was planned? Should I invest in a lawyer? Being secluded in my apartment with a surely dextrous stalker on the loose can't be safe." She said, making sure to lay heavy on the sarcasm in her voice.

"Oh please, don't flatter yourself." He said, smirking. "A man like me has more paramount matters to attend to. In fact you're lucky you even caught me tonight. I should be working but..." Dirk did a dismissive motion with his hand.

"I'm familiar with that feeling. Although I prefer solitude to parties, I prefer parties to being productive career wise. Not to say I'm unhappy with my job." She added, hastily. "Oh no, I love it very much. I just want more, if you know what I mean." Dirk nodded.

"Who doesn't want more? The goal of life is to get to the top. Anyone who can't relate obviously needs to rethink their priorities. To be satisfied with mediocrity is the trait of a failure. What is it you do, if you don't mine me asking?"

"I'm currently an intern at a company hoping for someone who likes my designs and wishes to make them a reality. Well, someone besides me. And my friends."

"Is that right?" He hummed, surveying her outfit. Kanaya suddenly became self conscious of her clothes.

"I'm usually much more well dressed than this, I assure you." She said flustered. "But it's become sort of tradition that I dress down and wear tacky sweaters around Christmas time as a way of getting into the spirit. My better clothes are generally for warm weather." Dirk laughed.

"I'll take your word for it." He promised. 

They continued talking as though minutes ago they hadn't been kissing passionately.

Kanaya learned that Dirk was starting his own buisness (plushrump.com) and worked part time as an auto-mechanic. He was cousin to the Lalondes. Kind of like a combination of Dave and Rose with splashes of originality here and there. It was nice.

Somehow they managed to find a spot where they sat alone drinking eggnog. As it got later and later Kanaya realized she had drunken a little too much. Dirk assured her Rose's mansion had enough rooms but Kanaya didn't want to be a burden.

"No, no, I really ought to go." She stumbled as she got up on her feet.

"But baby it's cold outside." Dirk sang. His voice was enough to stop her. He was actually very good.

"You have a beautiful voice, but I've go to go." She turned and squinted, trying to find the exit.

"But baby it's cold outside." Dirk sung louder, standing up. "Been hoping that you'd drop by." He walked over to her and took her hand. "I'll hold your hands, their just like ice." He sung softly in her ear. Heat rose to her face. She noticed that had been happening a lot.

"This is all very charming, but the longer I wait the worse it will be." She said not sounding very convincing. 

"Beautiful what's your hurry?" He stopped for a minute then nudged her. "I can't sing this all by myself, you know." 

"Oh! I don't know the words and I'm not very good, you don't want me to sing with you." Dirk twined his hands with her and turned her around.

"That's what they all say. Come on. Listen to the fireplace roar." Kanaya racked her brain for the next line.

"Um...so really I ought to scurry."

"Beautiful, please don't hurry." 

"Well maybe just a half a drink more."

"Put some records on while I poor." 

"The neighbors will faint."

"But baby it's bad out there."

"Say, what in this drink?"

"No cabs to be had out there."

They sang through the whole song, with a few forgotten words and lines here and there, while doing a half waltz in their small little corner. Once they finished Kanaya leaned down and tentatively rested her head on his shoulder.

"Kanaya?" 

"Hm?" She mumbled, falling asleep a little.

"I'm going to take you upstairs." That was all the warning he gave her before lifting her up and carrying her away bridal style. She "eeked" before settling down and allowing him to carry her. She was too long for his arms but he didn't seem to mind. During part of their conversation she learned that he "liked tall girls". 

As they were walking up the stairs Kanaya let herself fall asleep, trusting that Dirk would take good care of her body.

* * *

In the morning Kanaya found herself in an unfamiliar room. She looked around for a moment before remembering she was in that Lalonde's house. As her memories came back to her she blushed. All the little flirting seemed even more bold now that she was looking back on it.

She looked around the room to see if Dirk had slept with her. He wasn't there. She did, however, find a small slip of paper with 10 numbers on it.

**Author's Note:**

> Btw there was an anime quote in there. If you found it I'll write you any sort of fic you want as a prize.


End file.
